I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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