if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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