I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
