have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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