I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
