we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
