My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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