Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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