Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
