Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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