If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
