just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think i have two assholes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
