dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
