please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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