Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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