I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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