i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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