somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
