if i can run in heels then i can drive
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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