Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
