??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
