Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
