That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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