At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
