I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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