i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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