he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
