Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
