i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
