You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
