my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
