im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
