Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
