apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
