Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
