3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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