dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
