his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
