what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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