I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
then he tried to convert me to islam
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
