im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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