he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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