How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are the jesus of drinking
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
