Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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