remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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