I need help removing her.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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