The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
