butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
