i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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