Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
