my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
