who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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