This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
