On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
