You're earring is so big in my mouth
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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