That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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