things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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