that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
