did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love having hate sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
