It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
