Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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