I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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