with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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