I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
