I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
