If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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