I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize