What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you still have your period?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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