you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
