Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
