24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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