True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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