Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
