i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
