So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
