i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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