Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
