thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
